dmdubay

Well, I’ve been at it for almost a month. Whew! I’ll admit I had my doubts. I am glad, though, that I made a commitment to write every day. Setting clearly defined goals is a big part of any success story. If the goal is vaguely described, how would I know when, or if, I reached it. Of course, I have those ambiguous goals: I want to be a better writer, I want to be more organized, I want to be kinder, I want to be less selfish, I want to grow in holiness, I want to take better care of myself. Maybe I should set some well-defined, daily goals in those areas as well. But, I have to take one step at a time. I know from experience that if I bite off more than I can chew, burnout isn’t far behind. So for now, little baby steps: one paragraph a day until it’s a habit. Then maybe I can add one act of kindness a day. It can take up to two months to form a new habit, so I’ll take it slowly in adding new goals. Who knows what the end result will be?

Being a perfectionist, I want to do things perfectly, the first time. But that’s not the way it works—for me at least. I usually need help. Critiques have become very dear to me. I look forward to hearing how I can improve upon what I have written or done. Critiques are an invaluable part of becoming better at what I do. Kind and gentle critique inspires me to try harder in whatever I attempt. Even an unkind criticism can move me to grow if I accept it as a critique of my performance and not of my personhood. There’s the rub. Sometimes I let it get to me. Maybe some day I will be able to accept criticism perfectly…all the time. For now I accept the self-criticism that I do not do it perfectly. But I do know that criticism is a very positive force in my life and has made me a better person.

I learned something new today: how to add pictures to my posts. Here are a couple of our grapes almost ready to be harvested. It’s been a great year. It promises to be very good wine.

nest in the grapes

pinot grigio

I have noticed lately that people I used to find irritating or upsetting, don’t do that anymore. When did they change? Or is it I who have changed? Maybe it’s because I recognize that the characteristic I find irksome in them is the very thing I hate and try to hide in myself. It is humbling to admit that: humbling and necessary for growth. When I am tempted to notice a flaw and allow myself to become self-righteous, I remind myself that I am, at the core, the same. And if I act in a way contrary to the perceived hurtful or sinful behavior, I set the other person free. In the process, I am also freed, and love, rather than judgment and criticism directs our exchange. It almost sounds too simple, but by thinking the best, rather than the worst, about others, reality can be changed.

A good day: singing show tunes at Josephine Nursing Home, lunch with two dear friends, digging in the dirt of my garden. What could be better? It was a gift of some of my favorite things. Starting the day with song puts the day into the proper perspective. Days always go well when I start with a song in my heart.

Sometimes I cannot avoid being in the presence of a person who complains a lot even though I try to avoid doing so. Try as I might, with positive observations, I am not able to dissuade them from their complaining. I remember how my mother had a perpetual inner smile. If she grumbled at all, she was very good at hiding it. She simply went about trying to fix the things she saw that needed fixing. So I guess it was not that she didn’t see things to complain about, she just didn’t verbalize it.

Maybe grumbling, complaining people are really doing me a great favor. They point out problems I might never see myself. Maybe they serve as my conscience in order to induce me to act. Maybe they really are the problem solvers the world needs.

Somebody this morning was talking about an unusual miracle witnessed by countless people. I believe, but I also believe in everyday miracles I mostly take for granted. When I think of almost any bodily system functioning, I am in awe of the delicate balances needed to sustain life. If one hormone stops doing its job or the pH balance gets out of whack, or if the heart rhythm is disturbed, or the kidneys don’t filter as they should, or the liver…how it all works together is a miracle. And conception: imagine two cells out of the millions of possibilities coming together to create a unique me. If it were another combination would I be a different person? And seeds: how can a seed that has lain dormant for decades still remember who it is? And what a miracle of nature it is for birds migrating thousands of miles to return to the exact lake where they were reared! The miracles all around are shouting for us to notice and appreciate. I want to do more of that.