dmdubay

October 10

How difficult it is to let go of an experience that has been so luxuriantly blessed! I want it to go on and on and yet my life at home awaits me. Sometimes I ruin the finals moments of an enchanting experience because I don’t want to let go, rather than living it fully as it occurs, right up until the end. I can take it along with me in my memory and treasure it so that it becomes a part of who I am. So letting go, yet clinging to the person it has made of me and the memories of the blessing seems the proper way of letting go.

On the edge

October 11

Home again and everything is fine, except the ravenous birds ate much of our grape crop. I guess we all must learn to share, but it’s not fair! We do all the work and they simply swoop down and eat. I must let that go as well. Work is what we do. They only trust in the abundance of nature to supply their needs.

October 8

I walked along the edge of a cliff today and it was difficult to let go of my fear of falling—in fact, I was not successful. But a part of me was able to set it aside and focus on the beauty surrounding me. I can see that a part of letting go involves living in the present and being exactly where I am, not anticipating the horrors of what might come.

October 9

The thrill of seeing a great blue heron successful in its hunt, an otter sliding into the sea, the rising moon glowing red above the trees, a large eyed baby seal clinging to a rock and clean and silent ocean breezes caressing as I drift, secure in the knowledge of the great love that holds us: all are here to remind me of the value of letting go and letting God show me the wonders all around. When I let go of my willfulness and accept what comes my way—every day, at all times—I will be able to give thanks that I have been given the ears and eyes and the heart to realize and accept the wonder available to all.

October 6

Routines have got to go. On vacation I can no longer get out of bed and walk, as though on autopilot, to turn the coffee maker on and sit down to my daily readings and meditation. I will have to adapt. But what wonderful adaptations! Someone else makes my coffee. I can read to my heart’s content, not worried about chores. The fresh air and dazzling scenery slip by and I am not in control. I wonder what my life would be like if I lived with that realization every day. In reality, there is so little I actually control.

Sucia Island

October 7

We awoke this morning to paddle in the fog—in silence. Stopping often to let the currents carry us through kelp forests, we floated close to birds resting on the beds. It was, in a way, symbolic of what I hope to learn this month: to let go of attachments and go with the flow. The image will stay with me for a long time.

near Spencer Spit on Lopez

Another thing to let go of today is my plan to post a blog every day. We will be out of wi-fi contact for several days on a kayak trip. So the good news for you is that you get a break from the daily reading. I, on the other hand, will keep on writing, but will not be able to post. It is really hard for me to start something and admit that I cannot finish. I’m getting better, but I guess I need more practice. I used to finish every book I started—regardless. I’ve gotten over that. Now I throw out poorly written books or books that are not what I expected. It is freeing.

For me, letting go also means letting go of plans and expectations. I like to be in control of how I spend my time, but sometimes, circumstances change and others have a greater influence on the day’s outcome than I do, more so if I am sensitive to their needs. The sooner I let go of my agenda, the happier I am. Go with the flow, accept what is, see the positive. For example, I had a whole list of things I wanted to accomplish the other day, but Bud said the pinot grigio had to be picked. It quickly turned out to be a joy. Bud and I kept exclaiming, “Look at these grapes! Aren’t they amazing? Man, they’re loaded.” The yield was three times what we had harvested last year from the same row. So, I can see letting go of any type of attachment is directly related to accentuating the positive and vice versa.

pinot grigio

and that’s not all

I didn’t think it would be this difficult. But it takes a lot of thought before I blithely start throwing things out. Much soul searching will be needed to evaluate what is really important for my life’s journey. I don’t mean that cleaning out closets and getting rid of excess papers requires extensive deliberation. I need to do that, but it should be a reflection of what I value and indicate my level of trust in divine providence. Do I really need to hang on to a blouse that doesn’t fit me anymore just because it was a gift? Do those aircraft manuals for planes that I will never fly again deserve a place on my bookshelf? Or do they belong there because they are mementoes of the exciting years of flying that were gifts?

When we moved from our log house in Eagle River, we got rid of a lot of stuff. We hauled truckloads to thrift stores, many more to the dump and gave away as much as we could to friends. Packing up and moving all the rest of the stuff was exhausting. For months afterwards, I couldn’t bear the thought of shopping. It was almost painful to have to go to the grocery store. I vowed I would not collect so much ever again and yet it happens. As I ponder that experience, I realize my first step should be not to add to my possessions and the second will be to give what I no longer need to someone who does. That thought makes me feel lighter already.

It’s a new month and a new theme. I was going to say that the theme would be “getting rid of stuff,” but to stay with the idea of accentuating the positive, I will focus, instead, on letting go, lightening the load, becoming free of attachments. I did a pilgrimage in Spain in April and every item that went into my backpack was essential to the journey. Many items I once considered necessary were left behind. A pilgrimage is like a little slice of life where lessons learned along the way are really life lessons. They apply to my everyday walk. If I can just let go of the things that are slowing me down and impeding my progress, my journey will be much more enjoyable. So, here we go. I’m going to lighten my load this month.

Lost Lake, Alaska